The Naming of Nacho Tits and COCKBREAKER
The Hash Gods have been angry, and in their anger they imposed several curses upon the Key West Hash on Monday night. The dishonorable GM, Fartacus, has been operating without a Religious Advisor for several months, and so nobody has consulted the Gods in quite some time. To punish Key West for the lack of proper homage, they unleashed a great torrent of rain with which to wash away the Earth and cleanse it of all hashers, hares, hounds, and pre-laid trails.
The deluge hampered Marilyn ManHoe and “Just Li” in their abilities to scout and set trail, and promised to instantly wash away any chalk markings. Marilyn ManHoe spent several seconds in deep thought before springing on the idea of a return to FLOUR markings for the day, for improved water-fastness and the side effect of improving the God’s dispositions (for the Gods are happy when we use FLOUR!!!)
When finally the Gods made sure that the unbelievers had been washed away in the flood, and only the true-blooded hounds had gathered at the “Box” by Key West Urgent Care… the skies opened and sunlight poured down upon the hash in both liquid and non-liquid forms. The pack was assembled and prepared to battle the Zombie hordes that had been dislodged from their flooded crypts and thrust upon the hash as a further curse!
With the hares blessed, the timer started, a solid 3 minutes of lead was provided to Marilyn ManHoe and “Just Li”. ManHoe immediately headed inland, while “Just Li” began feverishly applying flour down the Riviera. While trying to set an absurdly long YBF, “Just Li” was spotted by a secret agent working for the FRB’s who tipped the hounds off on the false trail and vectored them on to the sprinting hare. Seeing her imminent capture, “Just Li” screamed like a girl while throwing her flour in the air and running for her life. She was captured shortly before the first beer stop in the abandoned hobo camp behind Silver Eagle Distributors. This was the first stop were the hash proved itself unable to drink all the beer that the hares had provided (Honor to the Hares!!!) and hidden from the homeless people and crackheads who live there and have some type of creepy obsession with storing sticks inside of shopping carts.
Luckily, ManHoe was smart enough to lay the remainder of trail when “Just Li” abandoned her flour and missed the rendezvous. After leading the pack down a wonderful jaunt around midtown, the hounds crossed the Staples walking bridge near 9th street and made their way to the hovel that Marilyn ManHoe calls home. The hounds were again unable to consume all of the sacred nectar left for them at the beer check (Honor to the Hares!) Only four hounds were sober enough to partake of the “Swim Check” at ManHoe’s pool before continuing on trail that went past the old Budweiser distribution building, around the Poinciana Elementary school (note: “Nursing an STD” had to maintain at least 500 yards distance from the trail at this point), up the aptly named “Harriette Avenue” (except for GrAMMA’s Boy who was the only hound dumb enough to bite of on an epically long YBF that ended at the Bank of America), with trail finally culminating at the concrete bunker where “Just Li” lives near Flagler and 18th.
Religion was begun with an erection for a new Religious Advisor, since Fartacus could see that the God’s appeasement was required for a Hash to prosper. With much discourse, Marilyn ManHoe was selected, found guilty, and sentenced to serve as Key West’s permanent RA. The hounds clamored that he officiate his first Religious Ceremony sans pants, since his co-hare had been caught on trail. With this, the hares were soon found pantsless, and they remained this way for the remainder of the ceremonies.
The beer flowed, Pizza and Wing’s were consumed in vast quantities, and new traditions were introduced (There is honor in calling for a “PALAUAN”). As his first act, the new RA charged “Bloody Treasure Chest” with the grievous charge of hindering access to sacred nectar (by applying ass-to-beer-cooler), and she became the evening’s “Beer bitch.” Other smaller charges were processed, “HMS Buttonhole” was a loud ass, and we welcomed “Just Lori” and “Just Brandon” as virgins, “Ms. Squirts-a-lot” had brought a virgin as well, but the girl must have drowned in the flood because “Just Dana” never made it to the On-Home.
Towards the end of Religion, two namings were held: “Just John” discovered the Dorito flavored nipples of a harriette, and shall forever-more be known as “Nacho Tits”. Also, named on her Virgin-Hare, “Just Li” having permanently disfigured some poor boy earned herself the name “COCKBREAKER” (spelled all in CAPS because it is more terrifying).
There were many boobies for viewing, a few full moons were shown, and one pant-snake might have made an appearance before COCKBREAKER threatened the varmint and it rescinded. To the hounds who did not cum and were afraid of a little rain, you will all drink for it. To the worthy who ran trail and snared a hare, YOU are why Hashing is great!!! ON-ON
The deluge hampered Marilyn ManHoe and “Just Li” in their abilities to scout and set trail, and promised to instantly wash away any chalk markings. Marilyn ManHoe spent several seconds in deep thought before springing on the idea of a return to FLOUR markings for the day, for improved water-fastness and the side effect of improving the God’s dispositions (for the Gods are happy when we use FLOUR!!!)
When finally the Gods made sure that the unbelievers had been washed away in the flood, and only the true-blooded hounds had gathered at the “Box” by Key West Urgent Care… the skies opened and sunlight poured down upon the hash in both liquid and non-liquid forms. The pack was assembled and prepared to battle the Zombie hordes that had been dislodged from their flooded crypts and thrust upon the hash as a further curse!
With the hares blessed, the timer started, a solid 3 minutes of lead was provided to Marilyn ManHoe and “Just Li”. ManHoe immediately headed inland, while “Just Li” began feverishly applying flour down the Riviera. While trying to set an absurdly long YBF, “Just Li” was spotted by a secret agent working for the FRB’s who tipped the hounds off on the false trail and vectored them on to the sprinting hare. Seeing her imminent capture, “Just Li” screamed like a girl while throwing her flour in the air and running for her life. She was captured shortly before the first beer stop in the abandoned hobo camp behind Silver Eagle Distributors. This was the first stop were the hash proved itself unable to drink all the beer that the hares had provided (Honor to the Hares!!!) and hidden from the homeless people and crackheads who live there and have some type of creepy obsession with storing sticks inside of shopping carts.
Luckily, ManHoe was smart enough to lay the remainder of trail when “Just Li” abandoned her flour and missed the rendezvous. After leading the pack down a wonderful jaunt around midtown, the hounds crossed the Staples walking bridge near 9th street and made their way to the hovel that Marilyn ManHoe calls home. The hounds were again unable to consume all of the sacred nectar left for them at the beer check (Honor to the Hares!) Only four hounds were sober enough to partake of the “Swim Check” at ManHoe’s pool before continuing on trail that went past the old Budweiser distribution building, around the Poinciana Elementary school (note: “Nursing an STD” had to maintain at least 500 yards distance from the trail at this point), up the aptly named “Harriette Avenue” (except for GrAMMA’s Boy who was the only hound dumb enough to bite of on an epically long YBF that ended at the Bank of America), with trail finally culminating at the concrete bunker where “Just Li” lives near Flagler and 18th.
Religion was begun with an erection for a new Religious Advisor, since Fartacus could see that the God’s appeasement was required for a Hash to prosper. With much discourse, Marilyn ManHoe was selected, found guilty, and sentenced to serve as Key West’s permanent RA. The hounds clamored that he officiate his first Religious Ceremony sans pants, since his co-hare had been caught on trail. With this, the hares were soon found pantsless, and they remained this way for the remainder of the ceremonies.
The beer flowed, Pizza and Wing’s were consumed in vast quantities, and new traditions were introduced (There is honor in calling for a “PALAUAN”). As his first act, the new RA charged “Bloody Treasure Chest” with the grievous charge of hindering access to sacred nectar (by applying ass-to-beer-cooler), and she became the evening’s “Beer bitch.” Other smaller charges were processed, “HMS Buttonhole” was a loud ass, and we welcomed “Just Lori” and “Just Brandon” as virgins, “Ms. Squirts-a-lot” had brought a virgin as well, but the girl must have drowned in the flood because “Just Dana” never made it to the On-Home.
Towards the end of Religion, two namings were held: “Just John” discovered the Dorito flavored nipples of a harriette, and shall forever-more be known as “Nacho Tits”. Also, named on her Virgin-Hare, “Just Li” having permanently disfigured some poor boy earned herself the name “COCKBREAKER” (spelled all in CAPS because it is more terrifying).
There were many boobies for viewing, a few full moons were shown, and one pant-snake might have made an appearance before COCKBREAKER threatened the varmint and it rescinded. To the hounds who did not cum and were afraid of a little rain, you will all drink for it. To the worthy who ran trail and snared a hare, YOU are why Hashing is great!!! ON-ON
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