Hash #407

Hares: SeaBear SLayer and 7 Shooters Up the Ass


As we meet for the on start we quickly notice that we are not alone. We had no fear in sharing our debaucherous traditions with a bocce ball tournament and all of the race-ist finishers from the Keys 100.  Due to our RA, X.S.N.R.G, finding himself under a plethora of virgins, he was unable to lead the Key West kennel in Chalk talk.  The fearless Bad Tranny Training quickly stepped in and blessed the hairs.

As the hares set off for one of the sweatiest trails to be ran, BTT informed our visiting hashers and sole virgin on what the local trail marks mean.

After a few short moments, the pack down downed their beverages and were OFF!

Those tricky hares laid a true trail leading over one of the busiest (white st) streets of Key West, just to leave a trail mark on the opposite side of the street!  The pack was quickly confused, but not to worry the hairs had hidden beer about 500 feet from the confusion.  After the sacred nectar was consumed the pack was off again.  Only one hare, Wanna Key Your Anus, jumped the fence that was true trail. A true hasher indeed.  Then the hares lead the pack through mid town into new town.  On the way Thumb In Clooney found the largest charcoal BBQ that the hash has ever laid eyes on.  He obviously had to take this as trail treasure.  Then after of miles of whichey ways, checks, and YBFs, the hares saved the pack by leaving everyone's favorite mark B N.  In a sktchy alley on third and seidenburg the pack consumed all of the sacred nectar that was provided.  The hares then laid trail that lead back to the bocce ball tournament. BTT was willing to lead circle since our RA was probably balls deep in those virgins.  After meeting our out-of-towners and our virgin, we heard all of the stories from trail.  Then, a few members from MisManagement and Named Key West hashers decided to give Just Eustice a true name.  After many questions were asked and not so many of them got answered, we deliberated.  Names like Can’t Flush This and Aids Blow were thrown out there.  It came to a very close vote, but now our brother will go by Shitters Full.  On-On

-SeaBear Slayer KWH3

Hash #506 – Best Second Beer Stop Ever Hash!

Hare: 4 inch Spike

Biermeister: HNIC

ON-Start was on top of the Parking Garage at Marriott Beachside.  Thank you autocorrect for letting me know how to spell Marriott. So there we were.  Key West Hashers were practically outnumbered by visiting hashers.  At least we had a kick ass view of the ocean up on top of the garage.  The lot of us decided we’d have a Key West Finest walking hash from the get go, much to the amusement to 4 inch laying live trail.  

So off 4 inch went to start laying trail….most notably taking the elevator…cause fuck running down the garage or taking the stairs!

The few beers deep pack may have lost track of time on top of the garage and figured we might want to get going to get more beer and see where this walking adventure of a trail would take us! The 8 of us crammed our asses in the elevator as well to find out “Hey! Look at all the mirrors!!!! Look up….I see cleavage!!!!”  Then there was a lovely game of what button to we push on the elevator,”Let’s try this one!” Only to find the doors behind us opening into the lobby and almost having some muggle in the lobby trying to intercept the pack!  “Quick! Push another button!!!!” sending us the ground floor of the garage!  “Quick! Send the elevator to the 3rd floor of the garage that’ll throw them off and scatter!!!!”  Yeah, hadn’t even left the garage yet and we’re already evading muggles! Fucken drunk wankers!

After the escape from the Marriot Garage we starting heading towards Cow Key Bridge passing by midget stop signs and a few local street residents just to find a true trail taking us under the bridge.  Dodging sleeping bags and a sleeping resident we found ourselves heading north on US-1 over the bridge to find out we weren’t done with our under the bridge adventure.  We saw two muggle chicks completely enthralled with their waverrunner rides driven by their assumed boyfriends. My guess is that ride was similar to other rides in their relationship.  Slow and disappointing.  Our pack made our way to median of US-1 and had to play frogger to get to the bike trail on the other side of the highway.

While making our way down the bike path we discovered the municipal mark of 42 + 0 to the enlightenment and dismay to a few of the hashers in the pack. A dick check produced a show for some unsuspecting muggles in the area.  A whichy way was then seen separating the pack into 3 groups, the third group decided to take the shiggy filled middle ground….of mowed greenery in the middle.  After a dauntless whichy way we regrouped to see an inter-tit-section. US-1 muggle motorists were also made aware of its presence as well.

Officially, making our way onto the mean multilingual streets of Stock Rock.  XS managed to find trail treasure of a ball he lost, I mean, found.  A golf ball to be specific.  This ball was then lobbed at my ass as I was trying to take a picture for hash trash evidence.  Wanker.

As we found ourselves deeper in unknown territory on Stock Rock the pack felt the need to cool off out of sun under the shade of a tree that was nice enough to provide some green AC. After a brief AC break we discovered the people of Stock Rock are exceptionally protective of their security with a reinforced entry measures of their 50s era fallout trailer.  It’s the first place I’m going should shit go down! 

Having found myself DFL after another inter-tit-section, finding out Sprechen Sie Douch will be in drag pole dancing in near future with Horenament, and needing to pee like a race horse in the Kentucky Derby I watched as the pack had to dodge a series of white cars.  I was beginning to think there may be a white car cult on Stock Rock…. We found another whichy-way.  This took us right past the Beer Rat Mobile!  Still not sure about that cult though. XS still playing vigorously with his ball dropped it in the parking lot lake.  This lake lead us to the Cuban Sharknado Vessel dry docked on the side of the road/lake.  Having felt like the pack was doing their own walking hash version of the 90 mile wet foot/dry foot trail we began questioning the locality of the next beer stop.  We knew we were on trial because we came across a literal COCK check.  I was only able to capture 1 of the 4 cocks that flashed us sadly.  They were some big cocks!  Likes Twice the Seamen also tried to get his hands on some!

A moment later we heard the laughter of our Hare and BierMeister while they were watching this all go down with the cocks.  We FINALLY had our first beer check at Bernstein Park!  At least half the pack raced their asses to bathroom before grabbing a beer, myself included to hear, “Hey, Lift me up so I can get on top of it!” coming from the men’s room. WTF?!?  Then as I was leaving the ladies room I see a muggle leaving the men’s room looking like some strange shit went down in there.  I quickly fled the area with numerous questions and possible scenarios filling my head. Glory Hole?  Where are all of our wankers?

We drank our sweet nectar while watching our fearless hare leave to continue to lay live trail through who knows what the hell you’re gonna see on Stock Island. The pack departed soon after to see a very sketchy heavily reinforced excessively windowed building that just screamed, SUSPECT!  Then on to Second Hand Sam’s where the moon came briefly out for us to see.

En route to the second beer check we discovered yet another inter-tit-section yet again on US1 followed by a dick check and two muggle chicks that would not look back at the group of wankers who had dog piled onto the giant wooden adirondack chair.  Thank you again auto correct.  The best thing happened next.  We saw a Beer Near and the guys waiting for us!!! 

This is the part where the pack, the hare, and biermeister all  decided…yeah, we’re hungry and on-after is going to be here. We circled and found out we had two of our male hashers “helping each other out” in that bathroom cause they “Couldn’t get in”.  I may have paraphrased that a bit.  We had a fabulous fast circle to appease the hungry pack and on-aftered at Hurricane Hole!

ON-ON

Schoolhouse Cocks

Slideshow!

Military Muster – Blame it on the DEA – Conch Republic Days

Monday, April 25th was the Military Muster for Conch Republic Days and the 69th Pirate Brigade of KWH3 was ready with Conchs in hand!     We gathered at the Cork and Stogie for brief palate conditioning with some sweet nectar then one last practice outside entertaining the masses on upper Duval Street!

Dressed in the finest pirate gear we marched down to the Gardens Hotel!  The CR Military was waiting to be entertained.  We, as good citizens of the CR, partook in the raffles benefiting some crib midgets in the Keys aka our future CR Military and possible future hashers.  We watched the CR Military give respect to those that laid the foundation for the weeks festivities.  After having been entertained by their musical ensembles it was our turn to close out the gathering.  The hashers, having had ample time to continue wetting their palate pre-performance, were well lubricated to entertain the gathering!  After our one of a kind performance we gathered at DJ’s for some delicious lobster rolls!

Slide show!

Mu-sick’s Little Prick Conch Hash

At VERY VERY last minute Mu-sick volunteered himself to hare our regularly scheduled Saturday hash.

In the spirt of Conch Republic Days our theme was Conchs!  The pseudo mom of KWH3 and Mu-sick’s amazing wife, Thar She Blows!, told Mu-sick if we could get 6 wanks together for on-start we could run the hash! Of course Mu-sick was up for the challenge!  

6 last minute wanks later….:insert “apparently that’s all it took” joke here:….made the on-start! We were shown the mark of a CB 7 so the pack instantaneously became wary of the trail to be but were told by Musick it was going to be a short trail and that made things a bit better for the moment with the dreaded CB looming ahead.  So off goes Mu-sick to live lay trail for the rest of us already thirsty wankers!

The group made their way from the Shanna Key parking lot heading towards N.Roosevelt via 1st Street…one EFFING CB 3 later we’re pounding pavement still through the neighborhood.  Thirstier and thirstier we got! Praying to the Holy G for sweet nectar we got back on N.Roosevelt and the pack basically said “FUCK IT!  VFW BEER STOP IT IS!”  This amazing suggestion came from none other than Bleeds Once A Month! After a beer-o-lite recharge we were off again continuing down N. Roosevelt and back into the neighborhood, over the bridge and past the old tyrant’s house, we wound up crossing Flagler to notice a VERY faint Beer Check on one of the concrete posts aiming at a house we didn’t know who lived in….who the mystery hasher is still yet to be known….Down about another ½ mile we see a mark to go into a shady trail right next to water.  Ok we got this…except THE WHOLE PACK got cactied AND found a CB 7 waiting for us at the end!  Bleeds and XS had the unique experience of getting handsy with one particular cactus as well!  

So the pack once again finds themselves on Flagler heading down 5th street seeing an intersection that could lead us into known shiggy filled dead end or around the block to our old GMs house…..FINALLY having our first beer check!  Short trail my ass!   We also picked up a few late comers and had our Hare at the stop waiting for us!!!  The group who followed trail proceeded to voice their colorful opinions on Mu-sick Prickly CB 7 and miraculously there was one yuengling left. J  

After the pack hurried Mu-sick off we were in quick pursuit!  Heading towards the GIANT CONCH at the high school we stopped to snap a few photos of the frbs and the whole pack on our way to the on end!

The On-End was at Mu-sick and Thar’s house.  We had our circle followed by a fabulous practice of Blame it On the DEA for Conch Republic Days!

ON-ON!