Well, didn’t we just have a fine time on the Hash Pub Crawl this Thursday?  To all of you hounds who missed the trail, it was a great time for some intra-hash introductions….  To celebrate the upcoming unholy-union of Lollypop and Sh'la Pisonya.

We started at Krawl Off Duval, with $1 craft beers on Hash-Special, and drank for a few rounds while SLUT passed out buttons and penis-balloons, people donned their tiaras, the groom introduced his entire extended family to us, and the North Dakota emeritus-GM tried to hide himself among the masses.

At the appointed time, the Tyrant brought everyone together for introductions, and Lollypop presented the Hash with a commemorative plaque with a photo himself and his bride-to-be mid-coitus (go ahead, I dare you to click that link at work).  A respectable gift for one visiting a new hash, Marilyn ManHoe was pleased with the gift and the proprietor of Krawl Off Duval promised to hang it in an honorable location at the establishment.  They nailed it up above the shitter.

Then, Ribbed for HIS Pleasure was sent off with chalk and he brought the walking-pack to the new Barbecue establishment called Charlie Mac’s.  We drank a few rounds, took pictures in compromising positions, Ribbed kissed and made out with the Groom’s step-mother….  And then the Tyrant grabbed the chalk, proclaimed his boredom, and took off at a walk (pizza in hand) and laid trail to 801 Bourbon.

When the Tyrant got to 801, wearing a tiara, he was immediately “eye-balled” by several of the customers (“eye-balled” is a new term meaning they raped him with their eyes and tried to grab his balls).  The Tyrant tried to order a pitcher or two of beer for his thirsty hounds, but the barkeep refused, claiming they offered beer only in individual sales.  So, ManHoe bought himself a yuengling and retired to the back bar in the men’s room (aka: 1 Saloon)  where he could find satisfaction.

After the pack arrived at 801, and the Key West virgins were introduced to the wonders of the back-bar….  Ribbed grabbed the chalk again and took us to his favorite nearby drinking hole:  Bourbon Street Pub.  We drank, we sang songs, and we had a honorable good time until the Bride mentioned how much she really wanted to get naked.  With this, Toto McScroto seized the opportunity to grab a stick of chalk and guide the pack to the Garden of Eden, where we met up with several lost hashers (SLUT and Snoop Dingleberry must have gotten lost on trail together).  Ribbed immediately doffed his clothing (again), but his tiny penis was overshadowed by Pisonya (the Bride) performing a topless hula-hoop show as Just Hillary taught her how to move her hips.

When Pisonya got cold and put her shirt back on, and we had all had enough of drinking beer with Ribbed’s cock hanging about…. Trail was laid to Sloppy’s and while the pack played, Pleasure Me Orally and the Gilded GILF were sent on a black-ops style mission to procure beer and ice for a surprise Religion to honor our visitors from the frozen north.

The Tyrant then laid trail to the parking lot behind Sloppy’s on Ann Street where a long circle was held so we could mock and thank our visitors, introduce their parents to Hashing, and most importantly…  name our two skinniest/tallest harriettes.

Due to fantastic stories you will never know if you chose not to attend, we welcomed Queef Gagger and Doggy Pole Pleaser to our ranks of debaucherous named Hashers.

The beer flowed only slightly longer, until Lollypop and Pisonya were brought in to drink a final down-down for us as a wedding present….  But the groom had worn cranium-gear in circle.  So, he was forced to consume the last beer…  which he almost finished before he launched his entire evening’s libations onto the pavement as the Tyrant began swinging Swing Low.

All hashes should end with the honored guest vomiting.  It was a beautiful climax to the evening.

The group then reconvened at Sloppy’s, and much rejoicing continued through the evening.  A terrific way to spend a Thirsty Thursday.

The Three Kings Hash started at the Krawl off Duval on Saturday,  January 5th. 

Great respect and thanks to the crew at Krawl's for their hospitality, their understanding of our loud boisterous group, and definitely for the beer specials!

The hares were Gilded GILF, Just Rafy, and Just Janae-nae. The hares disappeared right at 4:30 into the alleys beside and behind Krawl off Duval while a healthy sized pack drank cold beer at the start. While the trail twisted and turned around Duval, Whitehead, and Simonton, we finally came upon an SN and SH marks, which although they were briefed at chalk talk, confused Casper Gasper. "I have no idea what those marks mean. I've run 2 1/2 years and never seen marks like that!"

In a black plastic trash bag, the pack found delicious cherry and strawberry Jello Shots and four beers. After the pack collected all the hashers (Casper Gasper had made the Tyrant wait until her virgin arrived 10 minutes after trail started), we were off in search of another beer stop with some whichaways (marked in 2 directions), a couple of fakes into Bahama Village and back around, across and down Duval and then east while Mu-Sick got sidetracked at the finish line of the Ragnar Relay R*ce that just finished their relay run from Miami. Thar She Blows and Marilyn ManHoe spotted several of the Miami, Wild Card, and Fort Lauderdale hashers wearing their r*cist Ragnar shirts and invited them to join the hash. Unfortunately Buttplug, Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Jamaica Me Horny, and the others declined to run the hash since they had just run about 20 miles in the last 30 hours.  However, he r*cist bastards DID decide to crash our on-home, drink our beer, and pester our Tyrant during the religious ceremonies.

Several hashers were perplexed by the True Trail marks at every check since only the hare can leave a true trail mark. Rumors were that a certain tall brunette harriette running with a pony tail who answered to the name of Just Breonna was putting those true trail marks even though she was not the hare. The trail continued on east to Gilded GILF's house for another beer stop, where Marilyn ManHoe and Bloody Treasure Chest caught each other on their technological devices.

Departing over a locked wooden gate to another whichaway in the street, the pack headed northeast around the cemetery, east and onto Palm Ave at Peary Housing, which added some confusion since the New Year's Trail marks were crossed out but went the same way down Palm Ave. The trail finally separated from the New Year's trail and went straight down Palm Ave and into the Section 8 housing area for another check, only to return back out onto Palm, right behind ACE Hardware, a fake pass at Finnegan's and right toward the Coast Guard Gate, knowing that it is a dead end. Then, we saw the Beer Near sign with the direction out after the beer stop. Luckily, the entire pack did run into the school bus parking lot and to the Yeungling on ice, with a few Jello shots left. Mu-Sick kept blowing his whistle so that any late hashers can still make it to the Beer Stop and luckily Thar She Blows and a Hash Virgin showed up a good ten minutes after the last of the pack had arrived.

After our Yeungling Beer stop it was back around the old seaport next to Dante's, with another whichaway (marked in two directions) before running along Turtle Kraals, departing the waterfront at Sunset Watersports. We then proceeded south back to the start for the on home at Krawl Off Duval, where magically the Wild Card, Miami, and Fort Lauderdale hashers appeared, while the seven large pizzas disappeared.

The Tyrant ran the circle with a large white cooler stocked with Key West Belgian Wheat Beer, which some accepted and some disliked immensely (but were afraid to complain since the beer was free). After the Circle Up Song, Down Downs were held for the hares, with our visitors, Lofty (which was sporting a hash cap given to him at the 30th anniversary of him running the hash since 1975) and Yo Adrian from South of Perth Hash, Australia, singing their home hash anthem. R*cers did a down-down for r*cing all the way from Miami, wearing r*cing T-Shirts. Several Virgins were introduced to the hash and did their down downs, including Virgin Bob from Fort Lauderdale who had to come all the way to Key West to be introduced to the hash, rather than running with such riff-raff as the Fort Lauderdale or Wild Card Hash.  StrongSauce69 regailed us with glory stories from the great Agaña H3 of Guam, and sang us their Holy Hash Song.

Several harriettes exercised their option by utilizing the "Key West Hash Guidelines" and showing their tits while having a hasher do their down down for them.  Allowing the opportunity for Mu-Sick to perform for SLUT in the most enjoyable down down he had ever done in his 33 years of hashing.  We celebrated Casper Gasper's 25th birthday with a Spanking Tunnel, and Lofty proclaimed that it was a thoroughly enjoyable hash especially due to the magnificent boobies. After the beer disappeared, the pack went to several different on-on restaurants. Thanks to the hares for a fun Three Kings hash.  It was enjoyed by all.  If you weren't there, you missed out.