So there I was. Hung over and barely moving in a dark room in a friends house, having drank enough the night before to floor a herd of old Catholic Irishmen. Full blackout status had been achieved; ie, no memories at all after about 10pm the previous night. And then, out of love and a deep sense of self-sacrifice, I dragged Shiggy Shave Her out of a Muggle's house to the on-start of Menage A Neuf's and Bottom of the Ninth's reportedly "epic" trail. All we had been told was that some sort of color orgy would be taking place, but no one really knew any details other than to bring a white t-shirt. Obviously an orgy was really the only promise we needed.
I parked my car and changed clothes, much to the delight of the neighbors on the stairwell across the street. Tits out for the boys indeed; I really hope they were over 18. Neuf and Bottom drove up toting a very small amount of the sacred nectar and paint. Confused but uncaring, I stumbled across the parking lot to bitch and whine while 3 Hour Whore took one of my tshirts and immediately slashed it into some sort of fashionable clothing shirt type thing that I wouldn't be able to muster the skill up to do if you gave me a hundred dollars cash on the spot. Hashers slowly started to pile into the parking lot, grabbing brews and chatting. We circled up and the hares were blessed. Once they were gone, confusion started again over the meaning of a few new marks during chalk talk and the bag of paint, but in true hasher style we decided to deal with it later and took off at an exhilarating slow walk (except Thumb In Clooney and Missed Her Bullseye and screw those overachievers. But one of them would pay later.....).
The trail was a basic shitty trail, with a few twists. As we approached a playground filled with the angelic noises of small children playing angelically with their angelic parents, we realized our first orgy was upon us. Sweet! 3 Hour Whore took the reins and started spraying people with red and green paint, because we strangely found red and green paint on the street at the check. But apparently that was happenstance, as I called Bottom and found that we were to just liberally apply paint to each other in whatever colors we desired. To make it more interesting, we decided to forego the use of hands to apply said paint, other than the first person to apply the colors of paint to the rest of the kennel. Tits, butts, hips, crotches, and shoulders were used to squish paint all over each other and I'm not telling who popped a chubby. And then we were off again!
Several more orgies and some trail treasure later, we broke into two groups. The front group apparently missed an impromptu shot check (dammit!) provided by some Muggles that Begging Brother Banger knew and made it to the patch check (where there were no patches) after waiting for 25 minutes for the rest of the pack. We eventually reunited and it felt so good that we celebrated by spreading more disease - I mean paint - upon each other with various parts that you generally need to show a licensed professional on a dolly after you're traumatized enough times. Then there was a shot check and some of us were officially f*cked. Missed Her Bullseye was apparently possessed by a demon and proceeded to chug most of a bottle of whiskey by himself, with a little help from some wankers and a lot of help from Shiggy. Much like a gremlin you shouldn't feed/water after midnight, MHB then proceeded to spank all the harriettes with hands or a two-by-four or whatever he could find on the side of the road. By this time I was feeling a little better so I took a small sip of that life-changing whiskey that really just made me want to vomit so I left the boys to it. As we completed the trail, all hell broke loose and we probably experienced one of the shittiest circles I have ever been a part of, much to many people's amusement. XSNRG valiantly tried and failed to outshout Missed Her Bullseye, who was busy careening around circle after his FRB beer-boarding, whilst mooning and flipping off neighbors that were happy to watch the shitshow via binoculars. I valiantly tried not to puke (and won), Shiggy valiantly started drinking again like a pro (and got drunk again like a pro). 4'' Spike was giggling and throwing Shiggy's face in his crotch, per usual - see pic above for documentation. HNIC frolicked under a rainbow umbrella while everyone ducked and rolled away from the pointy parts. Begging Brother Banging's friend Just Chris (the one with the package, ladies) tried to get his patch by begging Neuf to let him use his mouth while Thumb In Clooney took Neuf's glittery money shot on his ass to receive his patch. Eventually we gave up trying to be anything other than completely ridiculous after a picture was taken missing half the wankers that were on trail, and we joined up for the On-After at the Green Parrot. I tiredly but proudly DD'd for a few folks and immediately passed out in my bed, collapsing in a very unladylike, but very hasherlike heap.
I parked my car and changed clothes, much to the delight of the neighbors on the stairwell across the street. Tits out for the boys indeed; I really hope they were over 18. Neuf and Bottom drove up toting a very small amount of the sacred nectar and paint. Confused but uncaring, I stumbled across the parking lot to bitch and whine while 3 Hour Whore took one of my tshirts and immediately slashed it into some sort of fashionable clothing shirt type thing that I wouldn't be able to muster the skill up to do if you gave me a hundred dollars cash on the spot. Hashers slowly started to pile into the parking lot, grabbing brews and chatting. We circled up and the hares were blessed. Once they were gone, confusion started again over the meaning of a few new marks during chalk talk and the bag of paint, but in true hasher style we decided to deal with it later and took off at an exhilarating slow walk (except Thumb In Clooney and Missed Her Bullseye and screw those overachievers. But one of them would pay later.....).
The trail was a basic shitty trail, with a few twists. As we approached a playground filled with the angelic noises of small children playing angelically with their angelic parents, we realized our first orgy was upon us. Sweet! 3 Hour Whore took the reins and started spraying people with red and green paint, because we strangely found red and green paint on the street at the check. But apparently that was happenstance, as I called Bottom and found that we were to just liberally apply paint to each other in whatever colors we desired. To make it more interesting, we decided to forego the use of hands to apply said paint, other than the first person to apply the colors of paint to the rest of the kennel. Tits, butts, hips, crotches, and shoulders were used to squish paint all over each other and I'm not telling who popped a chubby. And then we were off again!
Several more orgies and some trail treasure later, we broke into two groups. The front group apparently missed an impromptu shot check (dammit!) provided by some Muggles that Begging Brother Banger knew and made it to the patch check (where there were no patches) after waiting for 25 minutes for the rest of the pack. We eventually reunited and it felt so good that we celebrated by spreading more disease - I mean paint - upon each other with various parts that you generally need to show a licensed professional on a dolly after you're traumatized enough times. Then there was a shot check and some of us were officially f*cked. Missed Her Bullseye was apparently possessed by a demon and proceeded to chug most of a bottle of whiskey by himself, with a little help from some wankers and a lot of help from Shiggy. Much like a gremlin you shouldn't feed/water after midnight, MHB then proceeded to spank all the harriettes with hands or a two-by-four or whatever he could find on the side of the road. By this time I was feeling a little better so I took a small sip of that life-changing whiskey that really just made me want to vomit so I left the boys to it. As we completed the trail, all hell broke loose and we probably experienced one of the shittiest circles I have ever been a part of, much to many people's amusement. XSNRG valiantly tried and failed to outshout Missed Her Bullseye, who was busy careening around circle after his FRB beer-boarding, whilst mooning and flipping off neighbors that were happy to watch the shitshow via binoculars. I valiantly tried not to puke (and won), Shiggy valiantly started drinking again like a pro (and got drunk again like a pro). 4'' Spike was giggling and throwing Shiggy's face in his crotch, per usual - see pic above for documentation. HNIC frolicked under a rainbow umbrella while everyone ducked and rolled away from the pointy parts. Begging Brother Banging's friend Just Chris (the one with the package, ladies) tried to get his patch by begging Neuf to let him use his mouth while Thumb In Clooney took Neuf's glittery money shot on his ass to receive his patch. Eventually we gave up trying to be anything other than completely ridiculous after a picture was taken missing half the wankers that were on trail, and we joined up for the On-After at the Green Parrot. I tiredly but proudly DD'd for a few folks and immediately passed out in my bed, collapsing in a very unladylike, but very hasherlike heap.
On-On, mothertruckers.
Hate,
Dead Travelin Fister
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