After a full day of drinking brunch at the Hot Tin Roof with Rumspringa and her better half, Just John and I marched to the local CVS to buy the required uniform of the day’s hash: Granny Panties. Yes it’s true, Just John did own granny panties in the past, but due to the unhygienic skid marks those horrible underthings were voted unacceptable for the public eye and promptly set afire on a Viking burial ship. Eventually we then made our way to the on-start at Shanna Key ready to join circle promptly at 6:30pm. Yet……..it was not to be. Since several wankers decided to no-show due to their alleged copious alcohol intake sometime in the previous 24 hours, there was then a mad scramble by the fully costumed hares (4” Spike and Menage A Neuf) to obtain the (un)Official Record Book and the Sacred Drinking Vessel from two separate locations. I should mention that 4” was wearing the sexiest granny smock/dressing gown I have ever seen and somehow Neuf managed to cram all of his abundant package into some very silky granny panties. Anyhow, never one to linger aimlessly, I cracked a can of sacred nectar and started obtaining Hash Cash which was then temporarily deposited in the waistband of my own voluminous striped granny panties. Finally, circle was called and the Hares were Blessed appropriately. Some introductions took place for benefit of the virgin Just Chase and the returning hasher Tiny Testes. Some disappointment was discussed at the lack of tit and/or dick checks. Some excitement was expressed at the introduction of Jell-O shot checks! And then we were off!
Trail was very straightforward. And by that I mean every mark could have been a true trail mark when you really think about it. Every. Single. One. I actually saw a few people nodding off while running/walking. We started with climbing some razor sharp coral to go traipsing through a promising bit of shiggy in the form of smelly seaweed on a private beach. Shortly thereafter, we had our first beer check at Salute’s. Realizing this was a good sign and that our beer would be cold at the beer checks today instead of lukewarm in garbage bags on the side of the road that may or may not have been stolen or pissed on by Key West’s esteemed homeless, morale lifted. Then more trail of the boring nature. A silence fell upon the pack much like the silence of the KWH3 Facebook page when a hare is called forth to run the next week’s trail. After stops at Don’s Place, the shitty Barrel Head bar below Thai Island, and my house for the liquefied Jell-O-shot check, we ended at Shanna Key once again. Once all had gathered, the RA laid trail to the parking lot next to Shanna Key and then we circled. Due to time constraints and yipping of the pack for virgin blood, only 5 or 6 accusations were made. The hares were called out for their shitty (long!) trail, the fake whichy way with the true trail mark on top of it, and the shitty, shitty liquid Jell-O shots – some of which contained Fireball, Jim Beam, AND vodka. No wonder they were liquid. They were so disgusting, there’s still a full tray sitting in my fridge right now. Actually, as of now there’s a little less than a full tray, but I’m writing the damned hash trash so I’m allowed to have a few at 11am. Conchcebitionist, XSNRG, Mu-Sick and some others were called out for tech on trail. A few non-participatory wankers were called out for not participating in the granny panty theme, which definitely confused the non-hashers we ran by. FRB HNIC was crowned/chained. Virgin Just Chase was made to cum by Bahama Mama Fucker and the chicks were given additional fodder for their spankbanks. Some other chatter happened and then circle was closed because we had to make it to erections before people started passing out in a drunken stupor or nominating the chickens in the parking lot for MisManagement. The on-after was split between Shanna Key and then Don’s Place, where hundreds of people had gathered to congratulate us and then afterwards see the Mayweather/Pacquiao fight.
Erections Results:
GM: 7 Shooters Up the Ass
RA: XSNRG
Scribe/Hare Raiser/Hash Trash: Conchcebitionist/Just Maggie/Just Stephanie
Haberdashery: Begging Brother Banger
Hash Cash: HNIC
Trail was very straightforward. And by that I mean every mark could have been a true trail mark when you really think about it. Every. Single. One. I actually saw a few people nodding off while running/walking. We started with climbing some razor sharp coral to go traipsing through a promising bit of shiggy in the form of smelly seaweed on a private beach. Shortly thereafter, we had our first beer check at Salute’s. Realizing this was a good sign and that our beer would be cold at the beer checks today instead of lukewarm in garbage bags on the side of the road that may or may not have been stolen or pissed on by Key West’s esteemed homeless, morale lifted. Then more trail of the boring nature. A silence fell upon the pack much like the silence of the KWH3 Facebook page when a hare is called forth to run the next week’s trail. After stops at Don’s Place, the shitty Barrel Head bar below Thai Island, and my house for the liquefied Jell-O-shot check, we ended at Shanna Key once again. Once all had gathered, the RA laid trail to the parking lot next to Shanna Key and then we circled. Due to time constraints and yipping of the pack for virgin blood, only 5 or 6 accusations were made. The hares were called out for their shitty (long!) trail, the fake whichy way with the true trail mark on top of it, and the shitty, shitty liquid Jell-O shots – some of which contained Fireball, Jim Beam, AND vodka. No wonder they were liquid. They were so disgusting, there’s still a full tray sitting in my fridge right now. Actually, as of now there’s a little less than a full tray, but I’m writing the damned hash trash so I’m allowed to have a few at 11am. Conchcebitionist, XSNRG, Mu-Sick and some others were called out for tech on trail. A few non-participatory wankers were called out for not participating in the granny panty theme, which definitely confused the non-hashers we ran by. FRB HNIC was crowned/chained. Virgin Just Chase was made to cum by Bahama Mama Fucker and the chicks were given additional fodder for their spankbanks. Some other chatter happened and then circle was closed because we had to make it to erections before people started passing out in a drunken stupor or nominating the chickens in the parking lot for MisManagement. The on-after was split between Shanna Key and then Don’s Place, where hundreds of people had gathered to congratulate us and then afterwards see the Mayweather/Pacquiao fight.
Erections Results:
GM: 7 Shooters Up the Ass
RA: XSNRG
Scribe/Hare Raiser/Hash Trash: Conchcebitionist/Just Maggie/Just Stephanie
Haberdashery: Begging Brother Banger
Hash Cash: HNIC
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