So there we were.....meeting up for a pick-up hash in the parking lot behind the courthouse. For a bunch of wankers, this seems a dangerous place to meet but whatever. Almost 20 of us showed up for this weekday hash since none of us give a damn about our jobs/some just don't have jobs because Key West. As we gathered and took turns peeing in bushes we received some side-eye from the tourists walking by. Shiggy Shave-Her was somehow on time for once, so we had plenty of time to quaff the sacred nectar before he took off. Good job bud. The hash shit was bestowed upon Queef for Cuz for some sort of violation I don't recall. After some blessings, Shiggy was off with the pack in pursuit!
We hung a left out of the parking lot and followed trail down Whitehead to Front Street. Here there was some confusion as some hashers that were in the know about where trail was going short-cut trail up Duval Street. The rest of us went down Front and then over to Greene Street where we cut in front of the Conch Farm and down the docks. First beer check was by the ferry, where manatees danced in the water on the other side of the cursed Tortuga IV party boat and we watched the sunset. We nailed a beautiful roller coaster pic or two, thanks to some helpful tourists. Thank god Neuf was wearing a neon shirt or he would have disappeared into the ground. (pics coming soon) Off we went again.....following trail down and around with a few checks and YBFs in play. We eventually wound around by Poorhouse Lane, where some confusion took place over some old Beer Check marks by the park. But there was no beer to be had so we moved on quickly. Somewhere along the Mu-Sick picked up a crazy hasher from Guam - he was just nonchalantly hanging out in his yard and saw us run by, at which point he asked if we were a hash. Woo-hoo! A new KW hasher! One of us! One of us! Off we went again, cutting back across the island and over through Bahama Village. Once we got to the soccer field, we saw there was a game going on and immediately started catcalling the cute lil soccer players in their short little shorts. I blew my highly annoying Fox whistle (gift from 7 Shooters) to add some healthy confusion to their game. Then we picked up a good muggle friend on a bike, Angie, who while somewhat confused by our debaucherous activities, followed us blindly to the On-In......her mistake.
When we reached the field at Truman Annex a mad sprint ensued to both avoid being FRB and DFL. Sadly, BMF wasn't paying attention, so he got the waterboarding an overachieving FRB deserves. After that I looked around and realized that we had quite a few extraordinarily inebriated hashers present. The new guy was running around alternately humping/groping/pantsing people. Just Chase was drunk, unaware of what was coming for him. A few others were hootin' and hollerin' once we circled up. Accusations flew, dealing with old marks, a few new-shoe wearing dummies who got to quaff the nectar from their already sweat-filled footwear, and some false free-beer claims on trail.
And then a naming!
Just Chase, the long suffering unnamed hasher, finally got to insert his narrow butt into an ice-filled cooler and wait as we named hashers came up with a name for him. The following were possibilities based on his Inquisition:
Pastor Peach Prime (and variations)
Old Peach Pits (my personal favorite and I still laugh every time I say it.)
Captain Save A Bitch
Tarzan Teaser
and Rotten Monkey Business
But his official name is now:
VIRGIN MONKEY ASS
Welcome to the hash world VMA, now you're stuck with us forever!!!
Love,
Dead Travelin Fister
We hung a left out of the parking lot and followed trail down Whitehead to Front Street. Here there was some confusion as some hashers that were in the know about where trail was going short-cut trail up Duval Street. The rest of us went down Front and then over to Greene Street where we cut in front of the Conch Farm and down the docks. First beer check was by the ferry, where manatees danced in the water on the other side of the cursed Tortuga IV party boat and we watched the sunset. We nailed a beautiful roller coaster pic or two, thanks to some helpful tourists. Thank god Neuf was wearing a neon shirt or he would have disappeared into the ground. (pics coming soon) Off we went again.....following trail down and around with a few checks and YBFs in play. We eventually wound around by Poorhouse Lane, where some confusion took place over some old Beer Check marks by the park. But there was no beer to be had so we moved on quickly. Somewhere along the Mu-Sick picked up a crazy hasher from Guam - he was just nonchalantly hanging out in his yard and saw us run by, at which point he asked if we were a hash. Woo-hoo! A new KW hasher! One of us! One of us! Off we went again, cutting back across the island and over through Bahama Village. Once we got to the soccer field, we saw there was a game going on and immediately started catcalling the cute lil soccer players in their short little shorts. I blew my highly annoying Fox whistle (gift from 7 Shooters) to add some healthy confusion to their game. Then we picked up a good muggle friend on a bike, Angie, who while somewhat confused by our debaucherous activities, followed us blindly to the On-In......her mistake.
When we reached the field at Truman Annex a mad sprint ensued to both avoid being FRB and DFL. Sadly, BMF wasn't paying attention, so he got the waterboarding an overachieving FRB deserves. After that I looked around and realized that we had quite a few extraordinarily inebriated hashers present. The new guy was running around alternately humping/groping/pantsing people. Just Chase was drunk, unaware of what was coming for him. A few others were hootin' and hollerin' once we circled up. Accusations flew, dealing with old marks, a few new-shoe wearing dummies who got to quaff the nectar from their already sweat-filled footwear, and some false free-beer claims on trail.
And then a naming!
Just Chase, the long suffering unnamed hasher, finally got to insert his narrow butt into an ice-filled cooler and wait as we named hashers came up with a name for him. The following were possibilities based on his Inquisition:
Pastor Peach Prime (and variations)
Old Peach Pits (my personal favorite and I still laugh every time I say it.)
Captain Save A Bitch
Tarzan Teaser
and Rotten Monkey Business
But his official name is now:
VIRGIN MONKEY ASS
Welcome to the hash world VMA, now you're stuck with us forever!!!
Love,
Dead Travelin Fister
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