Thar She Blows collected the $7 hash cash from everyone; virgins were free.
The hares were Mu-Sick and Thar She Blows, both in top hats;
Pullin' Out had a beer mug hat;
Bloody Treasure Chest had a sparkly hat;
Ribbed had a patriotic red, white and Blue tophat;
Miss Squirtz-A-lot had a tiny hat;
Fluffer had a lotto pink flamingo hat;
Pimple Rain had a red stripe hat with guitar picks hanging down;
The two virgins from Tampa had a tin foil hat and a newspaper hat;
Nursing an STD had a blonde mullett wig (does that count as a hat?);
Wet Dreams May Come showed up without a hat but soon put his 3 foot long dreadlocks in a bun on top of his head (also, not a hat);
And the Tyrant, our beloved Marilyn ManHoe, had on a New Years Disney TopHat.
After we went through a case of beer with a pack of about 35 hounds at the start: the hares did Chalk Talk and left at 8:15pm, asking for 5 minutes. Even though the first first beer stop which was under the garrison bight bridge was only about 300 meters from the start, three of the hashers went straight to the second beer stop at the Barrelhead bar. As the REAL hashers ran along the boats and under the garrison bight bridge they found the hares waiting at the beer stop with the beer on the wooden buffer platform under the bridge where they had to crawl across the water and walk down the planks to get to the tasty nectar. The FRBs proceeded out there and sat down on the planks to enjoy their beer.
Finally after 10 minutes the hashers out on the planks managed to carry the beer back where the rest of the pack was able to drink the rest of the beer. Two more hashers, who were not at the start, showed up at the beer stop. The Hares then passed out the copies of "the man song" and invited all male hashers to sing along . The hares then asked for a 1 minute lead to Barrelhead bar under the Thai restaurant at garrison bight marina about 200 meters away. Since the Beers were only $1.75 each at Barrelhead bar we ended up doing 2 rounds there and the Harriet's sang a responding song called, "It's a small dick" to the tune of it's a small world.
The hares asked for 10 minutes as they left Barrelhead pub and made a left turn through the Peary court housing area. Yet only a mere three minutes after the hares left, they got snared in the housing area by Pimple Rain, who tried to blame the timekeeper for the error (however, since the Tyrant is never in error, this is impossible). The trail went out over a tall fence in the housing area when the open gate was right next to it. But that didn't stop several of the hashers and Harriets from climbing up over the 10 foot fence. Pimple Rain and his partners in crime then stayed at the exit gate to the housing area to hold the other members of the pack back to let the hares get a bit of a start.
The hares led the trail through a bunch of small alleys with Boob & Dick checks to Grinnell then up Grinnell past a likely beer stop at Finnegan's and around Dante's to trombone back to JDL's Big Ten pub on Caroline, where we drank them out of Yuengling beer. We tried to get the visitors to sing the "Visiting hashers song", but because several of them did not make it to the beer stop, they enlisted the support of all the hashers singing the third song.
From JDL's the trail went down Caroline with another boob check and across Duval, which was crazy with drunk people, to end up at Banyan Tree resort at the room where Shit Happens, Fluffer, Kenny Can't Cum, Dr Doodoo Chum Bag, and others were engaged in a massive orgy (with free cookies, too). Thar She Blows had to stop at mister cheapies to pick up more beer after the hounds drank her dry!!!
After Mu-Sick led us in the song "my first time ever" we all grabbed the champagne, the cooler and headed to Schooner Wharf to watch the wench drop and show off our "Happy Fucking New Year " sign which Mu-sick carried throughout the run. We all toasted with champagne and we all kissed and hugged and fornicated. Some kissed longer than others, right Ribbed? Then a scooter full of beer magically appeared and Marilyn ManHoe called us to circle for Religion!!
After the Hares were punished, the Tyrant called the virgins out and explain to them the hash house traditions. The first two virgins told jokes, but when it was just Kirstin's turn she simply asked "can I just show my tits?" (What a WONDERFUL phrase to hear a young lass utter...)
As accusations started, the Habu Sake (rice wine with the snake and scorpion in it) were brought out for punishment down downs. Curses to Mu-Sick and Thar for bringing this witches nectar down upon us all!!! For dropping her beer with coozie in the water at the 1st beer check, and not jumping in to save it,and bringing such a vile drink to bear on the Hash, Thar She Blows was the object of the 1st accusation. Marilyn ManHoe, All Hands on Dick, and Ribbed for His Pleasure were among the first to imbibe in these strong imported spirits and I believe this where my recollection of events goes a bit hazy. But I recall the Tyrant Punishing some unlucky bloke with the SLEEVES OF JUSTICE, and then we all heard gunfire (or were they fireworks?) and the entire hash screamed "Shots fired! Save the Tyrant!" as the entire pack tackled/protected/crushed ManHoe with their warm, wriggly, heavy bodies...
Many more got to taste the cobra & the scorpion brew (mmm... mapley) before the circle ended with Swing Low. The On-After was back at the Big Ten Pub with half the pack for the 2 a.m. free breakfast, which was served at 0236. At about 0330, we all started walking back home for the night. Happy Fucking New Year, you god-damn wankers. Welcome to 2013...