Hare: 4 inch Spike
ON-Start was on top of the Parking Garage at Marriott Beachside. Thank you autocorrect for letting me know how to spell Marriott. So there we were. Key West Hashers were practically outnumbered by visiting hashers. At least we had a kick ass view of the ocean up on top of the garage. The lot of us decided we’d have a Key West Finest walking hash from the get go, much to the amusement to 4 inch laying live trail.
So off 4 inch went to start laying trail….most notably taking the elevator…cause fuck running down the garage or taking the stairs!
The few beers deep pack may have lost track of time on top of the garage and figured we might want to get going to get more beer and see where this walking adventure of a trail would take us! The 8 of us crammed our asses in the elevator as well to find out “Hey! Look at all the mirrors!!!! Look up….I see cleavage!!!!” Then there was a lovely game of what button to we push on the elevator,”Let’s try this one!” Only to find the doors behind us opening into the lobby and almost having some muggle in the lobby trying to intercept the pack! “Quick! Push another button!!!!” sending us the ground floor of the garage! “Quick! Send the elevator to the 3rd floor of the garage that’ll throw them off and scatter!!!!” Yeah, hadn’t even left the garage yet and we’re already evading muggles! Fucken drunk wankers!
After the escape from the Marriot Garage we starting heading towards Cow Key Bridge passing by midget stop signs and a few local street residents just to find a true trail taking us under the bridge. Dodging sleeping bags and a sleeping resident we found ourselves heading north on US-1 over the bridge to find out we weren’t done with our under the bridge adventure. We saw two muggle chicks completely enthralled with their waverrunner rides driven by their assumed boyfriends. My guess is that ride was similar to other rides in their relationship. Slow and disappointing. Our pack made our way to median of US-1 and had to play frogger to get to the bike trail on the other side of the highway.
While making our way down the bike path we discovered the municipal mark of 42 + 0 to the enlightenment and dismay to a few of the hashers in the pack. A dick check produced a show for some unsuspecting muggles in the area. A whichy way was then seen separating the pack into 3 groups, the third group decided to take the shiggy filled middle ground….of mowed greenery in the middle. After a dauntless whichy way we regrouped to see an inter-tit-section. US-1 muggle motorists were also made aware of its presence as well.
Officially, making our way onto the mean multilingual streets of Stock Rock. XS managed to find trail treasure of a ball he lost, I mean, found. A golf ball to be specific. This ball was then lobbed at my ass as I was trying to take a picture for hash trash evidence. Wanker.
As we found ourselves deeper in unknown territory on Stock Rock the pack felt the need to cool off out of sun under the shade of a tree that was nice enough to provide some green AC. After a brief AC break we discovered the people of Stock Rock are exceptionally protective of their security with a reinforced entry measures of their 50s era fallout trailer. It’s the first place I’m going should shit go down!
Having found myself DFL after another inter-tit-section, finding out Sprechen Sie Douch will be in drag pole dancing in near future with Horenament, and needing to pee like a race horse in the Kentucky Derby I watched as the pack had to dodge a series of white cars. I was beginning to think there may be a white car cult on Stock Rock…. We found another whichy-way. This took us right past the Beer Rat Mobile! Still not sure about that cult though. XS still playing vigorously with his ball dropped it in the parking lot lake. This lake lead us to the Cuban Sharknado Vessel dry docked on the side of the road/lake. Having felt like the pack was doing their own walking hash version of the 90 mile wet foot/dry foot trail we began questioning the locality of the next beer stop. We knew we were on trial because we came across a literal COCK check. I was only able to capture 1 of the 4 cocks that flashed us sadly. They were some big cocks! Likes Twice the Seamen also tried to get his hands on some!
A moment later we heard the laughter of our Hare and BierMeister while they were watching this all go down with the cocks. We FINALLY had our first beer check at Bernstein Park! At least half the pack raced their asses to bathroom before grabbing a beer, myself included to hear, “Hey, Lift me up so I can get on top of it!” coming from the men’s room. WTF?!? Then as I was leaving the ladies room I see a muggle leaving the men’s room looking like some strange shit went down in there. I quickly fled the area with numerous questions and possible scenarios filling my head. Glory Hole? Where are all of our wankers?
We drank our sweet nectar while watching our fearless hare leave to continue to lay live trail through who knows what the hell you’re gonna see on Stock Island. The pack departed soon after to see a very sketchy heavily reinforced excessively windowed building that just screamed, SUSPECT! Then on to Second Hand Sam’s where the moon came briefly out for us to see.
En route to the second beer check we discovered yet another inter-tit-section yet again on US1 followed by a dick check and two muggle chicks that would not look back at the group of wankers who had dog piled onto the giant wooden adirondack chair. Thank you again auto correct. The best thing happened next. We saw a Beer Near and the guys waiting for us!!!
This is the part where the pack, the hare, and biermeister all decided…yeah, we’re hungry and on-after is going to be here. We circled and found out we had two of our male hashers “helping each other out” in that bathroom cause they “Couldn’t get in”. I may have paraphrased that a bit. We had a fabulous fast circle to appease the hungry pack and on-aftered at Hurricane Hole!