Hares: X.S.N.R.G. and Just Dan
The full moon rose at 8:23pm that night, just 7 minutes before the hare(s?) were away. But we didn’t know it. She was probably hiding her face behind the clouds from the onslaught of debauchery that was sure to ensue – or the loud neon colored theme. Anywho, we circled up and much to our amusement the GM liberally doused the hares in the face and head with streams of beer while citing some gibberish. And then they were off. Or one of them was (Just Dan), while the other (X.S.) climbed upon the trike and slowly meandered with the jogging group. I’m still not sure why he wasn’t immediately debriefed, but whatever. Apparently he was really beermeistering, so we couldn’t be too mad. A quick chalk talk ensued for the virgin that 3 Hour Whore forced to cum. And from the start, we were lost. An immediate whichy way threw off the pack as certain hashers (7 Shooters) half-ass checked to the left, which led to us going right. We quickly realized that was incorrect and appropriately admonished him when we realized he must’ve been a foot from the true trail mark without seeing it. Moving on, we followed trail to our first beer check in front of the Conch Republic. Here we found a delightful sprite of a woman who was sending some sort of glowing rocket up into the air over and over again much like an autistic astronaut. I don’t know if she had any friends or if they had left her to her frolicking, but she initially appeared alone so we offered her a beer. To which she responded by sending the rocket-thing back up into the air again. After many exchanged half-mind glances confirming that she possibly had half the mind that we half-minds had, our fearless leader yelled “on-out!” and we left our little friend behind. Two minutes later, we had our second beer check. We weren’t sure why it was so quick, but we were all in agreement that it was ok to just focus on the sacred nectar this night. A few bushes were anointed and off we went. There were at least three more beer checks that night. I recall one on Southard in the big parking lot, one on Elizabeth near a cop car, and another on Southard behind Charlie Mac’s but I feel like I’ve forgotten one. I personally enjoyed the one on Elizabeth the best since we woke the neighbor, who creepily and silently peeped over his fence at us as we played with a friendly pussy on the corner.
Back to Mallory to the On-Home, where just before crossing the line, we all showed our asses to the moon (or an approximation of where she was located – she still hid her face in fear). Here we were joined by three local muggles, one of whom we knew from the delightful tot-frying depths of WOB, the rest were strangers. We circled and accusations commenced. There were two new pairs of shoes in the circle belonging to Three Hour Whore and her virgin, so they immediately were made to quoff from said shoes. Shitty trail, etc. 7 Shooters was accused of wasting the sacred nectar in an attempt to hydrate a cockroach, to which he rebuttholed by stating he felt that all the creatures of the earth should be able to participate in the Holy Libations. XSNRG immediately rebuttholed that to hydrate a creature, one must successfully aim within 7 feet of said creature – at which point the original accusation was upheld and 7 Shooters drank. Our muggle friends interjected a few drunken accusations of the gods and sang some sort of dithering song while one played a guitar. Accusations were closed, announcements were made, the bum that was previously shouting how wonderful this all was passed out and began snoring loudly, and then……………….a NAMING! Just Dan was called back into the circle to prostrate his bare ass, taint, and balls in a cooler full of ice. I don’t know what happened to the rest of him even though the moon had emerged at this point to watch the goings-on, but I assume it had something to do with the cold. The Inquisition began. It was long and it was hard, much like most men wish they could be. Out of respect I will not detail the questions and answers, other than to say that he has a strangely recurrent theme with cousins. The list of possible names: Cousin Cummer, Queef4Buck, Cousin Harey, Cuz Cummer, Cousin Jerker, White Dan, etc and so forth. But it was decided upon that for now, this half-minded, three-time unnamed hare will be known as QUEEF 4 CUZ. The Chariot then swung as low as Peter Dinklage’s nuts and we adjourned to find more beverages and sustenance.
-Dead Travelin Fister